I can’t

I don’t know what to write. I can’t think. I can’t think of anything else except about this girl. This person, that’s making me feel stupid crap that I gave up on. The crap I said I didn’t want anymore because it hurt too much. And the crap that I promised I would never want to feel again.

It started as a simple Hi, two people with a lot in common just having a conversation. How could I have known that with each passing word, I’m falling into her trap? How could I? She’s gorgeous. She gives me glimpses of how awesome she is, making me go all awed and impressed, and leaves without even a good bye.

I hate it. I hate the fact that she makes me crave for more. I hate it cause she makes me look desperate. Desperate enough to keep texting her even though I know she wouldn’t reply. She makes me feel like a simp. Maybe I am. Am I?

It always goes with me being the ridiculously funny person making them laugh till they snort like pigs – “Oink oink, babe. You’re mine now.” But she, she challenges me. She makes me go dumb. Never have I ever been in a loss of words when it comes to this aspect of life. She’s fricking beating me at my own damn game.

I want her. Oh f*ck. That just came flying out of my face. It was some kind of, some kind of idk….I want her. There. I said it again. I’ve been trying so hard to just mash it down, ignore it and not say it. It’s like, it’s like she’s a disease. It’s like I’m infected by her whole being.

I can’t think about anything else. It sucks. I can’t sleep. I can’t eat. I want her. I want her for the rest of my life. I want her for every minute of every damn day. Man, that feels so good to say out loud. I feel so much better.

It’s too cliche I know. But I am a slave to my emotions. That’s the simplest way to put it. It makes me human. I can’t control it. After the storm, after the rush, after the moment that I feel now has passed, I’ll try to cool off and maybe, maybe clean up the messes I made.

Am I falling in love? Idk. I’m in conflict with myself at the moment. So, Sayonara. I have somebody to call.